Do you believe in God? I do, but I’m not sure of our relationship these days.
I thought we used to be pretty close. So much so that I took a sabbatical from a vibrant legal career to write a book on listening to your inner voice and the spiritual path we all travel.
I traveled the country speaking and did all the things aspiring authors do to promote their wares. It led me into sharing my perspectives as a spiritual teacher.
That in turn brought me to this PeaceOptions project around 10 years ago, where I started out talking about the Ascension and how to prepare ourselves to deal with the difficulties of a world in chaos.
The traits of the type A high-flyer that I was didn’t sit so well with my spiritual reorientation. Within me were attributes I thought I’d surrendered when I gave myself over to do His Will. Apparently I didn’t do it well enough.
I crashed. My world fell apart. Or should I say, my body fell apart and nearly took my whole world with it.
After my 5 months in the hospital, I was a broken man. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t even roll over in bed. It was a long, slow, excruciating recovery. The repercussions reverberate throughout my life to this day.
Thy Will Be Done
All the while I was in the hospital, I prayed. I didn’t ask to get better. I didn’t ask to die. I only asked for one thing.
Thy Will be done!
I guess it was, because I’m still here. It didn’t hurt that Archangel Michael visited me and wrapped his wings around me to keep me safe during my darkest moments. I am so grateful. It brings tears to my eyes.
But God was another story. With Him I was angry. Angry that I’d given my life up for Him. Angry that I had been led into choices that put me there. Angry that he left me with a deformed hand, numb feet and a body struggling just to stay alive after the multiple organ failures it suffered.
It did, though, give me relief of one sort. The things I’d worked on and worried about over the previous years were no more. Law practice. Consulting practice. Spiritual and peace teaching. All gone. I had let them go. Or so I thought.
It was so FREEING!
Of course, I had new crosses to bear, so it wasn’t any walk in the park. But at least I didn’t have to think about those things that had led me down the primrose path to my near-destruction.
Little did I know it wouldn’t last long.
Just When I Thought I Was Out . . .
To make a long story short, eventually He had me pick up the mission again. It was to take on a new focus and be run by my sons. I was done and had no intention of coming back. But in helping them, it ultimately dragged me back in. I couldn’t sit on the sidelines quietly any more.
Yeah, I was still angry with God. I tried to tell him I wasn’t, but deep down I was resentful over the hand I was dealt. I’m still not happy with it (even for all the wonderful things it brought, like time and closeness with my family). But it is what it is, and thankfully life goes on. Nevertheless, daily I have to face the challenge of accepting that I am not the person I once was.
Recently, though, things have taken a turn. Maybe a good one. We shall see.
For in working through my inner maze, I got back to the reason I started down this road in the first place.
It was because I had dedicated myself to working toward that state where the ego steps aside and acts in concert with the soul. Or as Dr. Peebles would say,
“Man and spirit joined together in search of higher truths and awareness.”
He was a good friend back in the day, and his guidance holds true for me now as well.
This is what led me down the path of service. The book. MissionLaunch. PeaceOptions. And the illness. I had surrendered to His Will, and his Will led me to where I am. To all the work. To all the struggle. To all the suffering and hard work. And now, back to the beginning, to talk about the journey home and how we can get there.
The Possibility of More
While I’ve always salted my social commentary with spiritual observations, most of my focus was on real world issues and less on the spiritual side.
Yet, the spiritual side must be understood if one is to put the chaos and conflict of today into context. And more importantly, know how to use it.
Even more importantly, though, is to cultivate the belief that there is more. More than we know. More than we are. More than our world is. And that possibility is the fuel that calls us out of our cocoons to follow paths we don’t always understand or see clearly in hopes of discovering that which is at the end of the rainbow.
I don’t profess to know what that more is. I’m discovering it as I go along, one breath at a time. But I do know that my journey is much easier with Him by my side helping me find my way home. That’s what makes it all worthwhile.
In this season of Light, perhaps you might stop for a moment and think of what more life could be for you and those you love. Think of the possibilities. Peace. Love. Prosperity. And more.
Then recognize that what you are, and what you have, are all that you need. You are enough just as you are. Just the way God made you. You just have to take the time to look inside to realize it for yourself. As you find it, those possibilities will be yours.
So as this year of 2017 comes to a close, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanuka, joyous Kwanzaa or whatever holiday you celebrate.
And if you don’t celebrate any holiday at all, perhaps you’ll think instead about the light that shines in you. It is brighter than all the celebrations around the world put together.
God bless you indeed. Go with love.