The Experience of Self

Life is all about the experience. That’s why we’re here. Or more particularly, at least in the view of this explorer, it’s about the experience of self as we face the challenges of our lives.

Rather than speak in grand generalities, let me speak of my own journey. Then you can decide if any of it matters to yours.

I didn’t start traveling the inner way to serve others. Rather, it was strictly for my own expansion, to know myself, my God and my relationship to all that is.

It was through the light that this expansion would occur. For I’ve always said I was a “disciple of the light,” a moniker that I still wear proudly to this day.

And as I shined that light, or more accurately allowed it to shine through me, it allowed me to bring more love and light into all my affairs.

Much of that was directed toward my own inner processes and the hidden conditions that distorted the light. That’s why I speak so much about knowing yourself, laying breadcrumbs from my own experience.

Ra and the Law of One would say I was in service to self. Probably so. However, it was never a selfish kind of love, but rather an effort to achieve a balance of loving self and loving others.

It was when situations seemed to demand I choose between the two that I had my greatest difficulties. And still do, because inside I know that any such choice is illusory.

 

There is only One

 

There is no choice between me and others.  For there is only One.

Instead, I chose to know and serve whatever was inside me, the spark of the God-source that separated me from the whole and set me along the path of return.

Yet choose I must, or so it felt.  For my path of “service” was seemingly not to hold out any absolute path, but to explore myself as I went about sharing what I found along the way.  And in expanding myself toward the integration of my inner and outer selves, also expanding the whole.

As I explored, I learned so many things about myself.  Things like this concept of the inner voice that I relied upon, vis-a-vis the many inner voices going off within me at any one time, each with its own distinct personality and consciousness.

But those different aspects of me didn’t always get along.  They often were at odds, each trying to pull me in a different direction to see or do something new.

Even now, my inner conflict rages on.  For these disparate parts of my personality continue their tug-o’-war to control my thoughts and efforts in the world.  Or more precisely, counteract each other to keep me locked in place, unable to go forward, unwilling to go back, while the impasse opens door after door of new things to discover about me and my relationship to all that is.

Part of that relationship involves the flow of inspiration from my inner voice.  But as Kryon suggests, much of that push comes from Akashic energies and experience from other lives that want to manifest similar “contributions” and experiences in this one.

This time around, though — or at least at this point in this life — those contributions are less defined by sharing any message or illumination with others as much as they are by how I come to manifest them and what they show me about myself along the way.

It’s as if the call to serve is less about you and others getting what I’m offering, than it is about me expanding me, even as I become less and less engaged with my outer world.

If I were to describe it, it’s like my service of the whole is through the experience and expansion of myself — the sheer fact that I open myself to those energies allows them to flow into this reality.  And what happens beyond that, including whether any of you receive or find these perspectives of value, really isn’t significant to that process.

But I share them anyway.  That Akashic flow nudges me to document my inner journey and its interaction with the outer reality in which I live.

Why? I have no idea.

Because I typically work in isolation, with little engagement or feedback except through my speaking appearances and consultations helping those who seek my insight.

I don’t see who gets it and who doesn’t.  And even when some do, I have little idea of what they do with it.  All I know is I have to put it out there.

 

What’s in it for you?

 

So what’s this have to do with you and your experience of yourself?

I really don’t know.  Only that something in me is talking to something in you, planting seeds that perhaps may one day sprout and grow you closer to the light of your Creator.

In the meantime, maybe my experiences and observations can help you take your next step in a better way.

God bless you indeed.  I am John.